i guess i'm kinda over my utter sadness, i just feel sad and lonely and i miss him. My mom told me today that when i was born he was the first one who came to see me kinda like a birthday present for him u noe someone elseto share his birthday, i dont noe how i'm gonna handle tuesday or how my grandma will, shes still ill i don't want anything to happen to her i don't think i can handle anymore. My mom told me that my other grandma wants to just have a simple lunch for my bday, i said "yah i got no mood to celebrate my bday anymore" and she said " U shouldn't say that u should celebrate the memory of ur grandfather" shes right. I went to my grandma's house to give some tea time snacks to my uncle and aunt and they put a smile on my face. Its really comforting to go there and to see my grandpa's photograph there looking at me and watching over everyone. I heard he wanted to do a photograph potrait of him, my grandma my other grandma and grandpa and his eight grandchildren. He really loved us all so much. i wish i could do that for him but without him it would be too painful for my grandma so i guess i can't. i dont want to hurt her. Yesterday night my darling Anushka and Ronan came. they came to my house and later i brought Ronan up first, As i was walking up i talked to him about our Grandpa (Ronan is only seven months old) and it was amazing that the little baby was listening to me as if he understood every word i was saying he was listening so intently. I havent talked to Anushka yet but i will soon. I'm much nicer to my other grandpa now more patient cause i don't wanna lose him to. In a way i'm abit more closer to him cause i grew up with him all my life.
I can't believe how much much Prakash Mama sounds like his father, when he called today and said hello, for a split second i thought it was my grandpa but obviously not. I will not have a birthday cake cause that is celebrating and i dont wanna do that cause they say if u break it in the first year the same thing will happen three times, i don't think i can handle three deaths. i never realised how easy it was to speak to Dalvyn before, she consoled me and told me something about her experiance with something that is in a way more tragic, and it was nice, thanks Dalvyn.
My Loving Grandpa
25th July 1935-20th July 2006
You will be remembered always
